It’s been a while since I posted. I’ve been keeping myself busy with things. I am currently unemployed and it is surprising how busy I am because of it. In addition to wedding planning and job hunting I have found myself to be the gopher of the family. I am asked to conduct tasks that other family members can’t because they don’t have the ‘free time’ that I do. At least I’m not bored out of my mind.

Something that has been bothering me lately is POC that conform to right-wing justifications on the war on terror. I’ve noticed this with some of my to-be family members. As I’ve mentioned before, my fiance is of Taiwanese descent while I am of South-Indian descent. Just like some of my family members, some of his family members are very conservative, right-wing individuals. We used to be too until we received a broader perspective of the world through our experiences in the past couple of years. So these family members constantly justify the ‘war on terror’ and the fight against ‘terrorism’. One of the things that bothers me about this is their lack of recognition that ‘terrorists’ is often times used as a synonym for dark-skinned Asian peoples (or those that look like them). I know what it is like to be looked at with suspicion because of the colour of my skin. I’ve watched as my family was constantly stopped for a ‘random check’ when we tried to cross the American border while White families easily passed through without so much as a blink. I saw how my father struggled to find a full-time job (he is highly educated and experienced in his field) and how he didn’t get hired until he shaved off his beard. I’ve seen how people would only make eye contact with my White friends while avoiding looking at me while they spoke to all of us. The fact that our family is Christian, that we support charities, that we pay our taxes, that we are proud Canadian citizens, that we work hard does not matter. To those who scrutinize us and question us on our terrorist capabilities all that matters is that we look like those terrorists. Those who killed ‘innocent’ Americans. All they see is our skin colour and our ‘foreignness’.

I know that just because an individual is considered a coloured person that it doesn’t mean they know what it is like to be a person of a different colour. For instance, I do not know what it is really like to be a person of African descent or of East Asian descent. I can somewhat understand intellectually, but I cannot truly understand their experiences as POC. My fiance and his family do not understand the experiences that I have had because they are not the same type of POC that we are. They do not know what it is like to be assumed to be Muslim, or a terrorist, or someone who threatens White mainstream Canadian culture. Yes, they have their own experiences of discrimination, but that doesn’t mean they do not add to the discrimination against people that look like me.

I do not know how to address this issue with them. In many ways it could really rock the boat on our relationship (between myself and these family members). So far they have treated me really well and accepted me into their family. I’m hesitant to jeopardize that but at the same time it bothers me that they don’t recognize how their lack of understanding on the nuances of American military politics really affects me and those like me.

Note: Just to clarify, I do not believe anyone should be judged on their appearance. I do not believe that the scrutiny that Muslims receive is justified because some Muslims carry out violent acts against non-Muslims. There are “Christians” who would want to kill me and my family because we are not White Christians, but not every White Christian is made out to be a terrorist. It is not fair to judge an entire group based on a select few individuals who carry out extreme actions.

I was watching Jon and Kate Plus Eight earlier today (or should I say yesterday) and Kate said something that really annoyed me. She was talking about manners that they enforced in their household and she said something along the lines of, “we don’t eat with our hands because we’re not dogs.” This really pissed me off. It reflects a prevalent ethnocentric belief that proper table manners are only Western table manners.

I remember once when my university roommate, an international student from Japan, told me of an incident where a girl asked her why Japanese people continued to use chopsticks since the fork had been invented (implying that forks were a superior utensil to chopsticks). Comments like these are just reminders that cultures that don’t conform to mainstream Western practices are seen as uncivilized, backwards and abnormal.

Why is eating with your hands considered below human? Most Indians I’ve seen eat with their hands. In many ways it’s more sanitary than using utensils just like how squatting over a hole to relieve yourself is more hygienic than sitting on a public toilet (or even your home toilet). But of course, these practices are seen as barbaric and only part of primitive societies. And of course no civilized person living in America or Canada would dare to eat with their hands! Pizza, chicken wings and “finger foods” are still acceptable though and still allow us to maintain our human status [read: sarcasm].

It is really disheartening that comments like this go relatively unnoticed and are regarded as acceptable while those who do not conform/assimilate are subject to the harsh reality that their cultures continue to be mocked and dehumanized by white privilege. And for the record, in addition to the previous examples I stated, I refuse to accept the following bullshit: no elbows on the table, no picking up bowls off the table to eat, no slurping food (noodles taste better slurped!), no cutting your food with a fork.

Earlier this week I had to take a bus and while I was standing in line, two older White gentlemen were conversing with each other about how the women bus drivers were terrible drivers. My rage kept building but I tried to ignore them. Then when we got on the bus I made the mistake of sitting behind one of them. They had just met at the bus stop so rather than sitting together they sat across from one another. For the first five minutes of the bus ride they continued with their sexist comments. It took all I had to refrain myself from telling them, “Shut the fuck up! Who the fuck are you to generalize about women based on a couple of drivers you’ve had? And most likely if a male driver was aggressive you would have encouraged his dominating abilities. You stupid morons!” But no, it was my birthday and I didn’t want to ruin it. Later in the ride the man in front of me pulled out an almost empty bottle of whiskey and took a couple of shots. Watching him do this washed away all the anger I had for him and it was replaced by pity. What would make two strangers connect on making fun of a group of people? Perhaps their own alienation and feeling of powerlessness.

I’ve noticed that we often disregard our own privileges in society and focus on how we are the victims. This happens with gender, politics, age, sexuality, ethnicity, class, etc. For instance, regardless of what political group you affiliate with, there are constantly supporters who see themselves as the victim. The left-wing will say how the right-wing controls the media, and vice versa. Aside from what is reality, people’s reality of the world seems to be focused on how they are disadvantaged rather than acknowledging how their privilege in certain arenas disempowers others. Whenever you have competing forces for domination, both sides will see themselves as victims of the other’s attempted suppression, even if they are dominating. Why is that? Why does society constantly focus on how “I am disadvantaged” rather than being humble enough to recognize that “I am also privileged”?

I’m sure most people have heard or read about the the Spanish basketball team slanting their eyes for an advertisement. When the story first broke out I was disgusted. I could not believe that every single individual in that room did not stop and say, “this is not right” – or at least ONE person. And what bothered me the most was that they didn’t even think it was offensive when there was an international outcry on their racist actions. Even if their intentions weren’t to offend people (which I seriously doubt), it does not automatically make your actions 1) not offensive, 2) inappropriate, and 3) racist. Slanting one’s eyes is not simply to “look” East Asian – it is a derogatory action to remind East Asians that they are beneath those who label them with their fingers to their face. It establishes a system of power between those who are mocking one group of people against a group of people who are mocked for their physical appearance. It is a human rights violation. Nobody should have to be ashamed of the way they look or their ancestry. Nobody.

This gets even worse though. After people showed their outrage and the Spanish team denied having done anything wrong, an additional slant-eye picture was taken with the Spanish tennis team. WTF?! This was basically them supporting the actions of the Spanish basketball team and stating, “hey, what we are doing is okay even though millions of people are hurt and offended by this action.” How insensitive, disrespectful and spiteful can people be? At least these incidents sheds some international light to the racism that is inherent in Spain – against people of East Asian descent, African descent, Muslims, Jews – heck, anyone who is not ethnically Spanish and religiously Catholic.

And what is really sad about all of this is the White privilege that is taking place and nobody is really addressing it. This situation is about power, dominance, and establishing superiority and inferiority by Othering. In a sense, it is quite in tune with the Olympic spirit; defeat your opponent and bring honour to your fellow people. This is just that this is not the PC way to do it, but it is the way to utilize their White privilege. Other groups would not have the same power to do this. Hence, it is not an equal playing field.

One thing I did want to say though is that through the unraveling of racism present against East Asians, I have become increasingly fearful. If my fiance, who is of Taiwanese descent, and I were to have children, what would my children experience? What if someone came up to them and slanted their eyes to mock their ancestry? How would I deal with this? I have experienced racism myself, but do I really know what it’s like to look East Asian as opposed to South Asian and be mocked on my appearance? Do I really know what it’s like to be called chink instead of paki? How would I teach my children about something that I have never experienced? And I know that my fiance would be doing this along side of me, but it still scares me to know that I don’t know. I don’t know what that’s like. I don’t know what it’s like to be a person who was teased with slant eyes look at the pictures of these Spanish teams. I know what anger for injustice feels like and the pain from racist remarks, but I don’t REALLY know how painful these images are. And in addition to this particular racist action, I don’t know what other experiences of racism people of East Asian descent have gone through. I only know my own experiences as an Indo-Canadian. I don’t think these experiences are the same. The pain might be the same, but does that commonality equip me to being a better person, and potentially, a better parent? I really don’t know why this is creating such fear in me. But it is pretty scary – to know that there are people in this world who want to hurt people that you care deeply for.

My fiance and I just started to plan our wedding and by “just started” I mean that we just started yesterday. I started going through some bridal magazines that my mom’s co-worker gave me and aside from my constant gagging at the Disney fairytale bullshit that is plastered throughout this waste of paper, it had ads to sites including a bridal show. So I decided to go online and see if there are any upcoming shows that I can attend to help me get through this horrid planning that we have to undergo. Can you tell that I’m not a fan of wedding planning? So I came across a site that listed past and upcoming bridal shows in the Toronto area. Great! One thing that makes me life more easier. So I looked through the list and found a link to the Kismet Bridal Show which exhibits vendors for South Asian weddings. Perfect! Or so I thought. Under their articles section they had an articled called South Asian Religions and Tradtions. They had a pretty extensive collection of sections, which I was pleased to see. What I was not too thrilled about was their Christian section. At first I was excited that they had included Christianity in their article since I’ve noticed that most people generally ignore Christianity or Christians in and from India. My excitement was washed away though by the stereotypical depiction of a Christian wedding as a white, European wedding. Maybe I’m just not worldly enough, but I seriously doubt that Indian Christians incorporate a horseshoe into their wedding ceremonies. I could be wrong, but I seriously doubt it.

I’m disappointed (yet again) at the level of ignorance by people who are supposed to be educating and informing non-South Asians and non-Indians about the diversity among South Asians. Why are Christians, once again, ignored and assumed to only be of European descent? There are so many Christian traditions that are non-European and non-North American. Why must non-European descent Christians continue to be pushed to the sidelines and have their cultures, traditions and heritage ignored not only by the mainstream Christian community in the West but also by institutions that are supposed to be unbiased and public sources of information? Are these forms of Christianity not seen as good enough or accurate? That is definitely how it makes me feel. Now I cannot speak for all non-European descent Christians, but I wouldn’t be surprised if I’m not the only one that gets a little peeved at the level of ignorance in supposedly educated, liberal, progressive communities.