Reflecting on the India Trip Tuesday, Jun 24 2008 

I got back from India last week. The trip was very enjoyable and I’m very thankful for being able to go. It was my Ajjamma’s 80th birthday and not only was I able to celebrate her birthday with her, I was also able to spend an entire week with her. It is a blessing I am truly grateful for. Spending that time with her was so priceless and precious to me. I may never get the chance to do that again and I made sure I took this opportunity to let her know how much I loved her. She told me how happy she was that my sister and I fit in so well since she was worried that her grandchildren who grew up abroad would be distant and alienated (my words, not hers). After seeing how some of my other cousins are I can understand her concern. I’m just glad that she enjoyed our time together as much as I did.

The trip also left me a little jaded. Poverty is not hidden like it is for the most part in Southern Ontario. I had begging children come up to me asking for money and food. It completely broke my heart that this is still a reality and I felt so helpless because the problem is so much bigger than me giving them some money for food. Also, hiring young girls for housework is so common there, but it bothered me so much. I know that this is one of the only opportunities these girls and young women have to sustain themselves and their families, but I just cannot ignore the structures of exploitation that are so blatant. I did not know how to react to this and I had to often leave the room to gather my thoughts and try to think through my emotions. I’m still unsure how to approach the issue.

Overall the trip was really good. Lots of family time and I had many questions answered. There are many things that I didn’t understand about my parents until I saw where their opinions, perceptions and rational originated from. It gave me a better perspective as to where my parents are coming from (pun intended =P). This trip was so valuable to me and I’m very glad that I was able to go on it.

Speaking Kannada Monday, May 12 2008 

I’m going to India next month with my family. It will be ten years since the last time I went for a visit and I’m sure much has changed. This time I will actually have an appreciation for the visit. I was a teenager the last time I was there and I was still going through my denial stage. I saw myself as completely Canadian and didn’t recognize the importance of my ethnic, linguistic and ancestral background. I’m quite excited to visit this time because I truly want to go.

I am disappointed though that I still cannot speak Kannada. I understand simple conversation but I cannot articulate myself. The limited words and phrases that I do know also comes out with an unappealing Western accept that just makes me never want to try. I’m sure I will still get lectured by some of my older relatives for not understanding. At least I will have the satisfaction of knowing that I will have to be the translator for my younger sister. She knows more Japanese, French, and Korean than Kannada, but who can really blame her or myself. Other than my parents, we didn’t know anyone else that spoke Kannada.

That’s why I really envy my fiance. His family is Taiwanese and they speak Mandarin to each other. Although he has told me that as he gets older he keeps forgetting more and more Mandarin, he has the opportunity to prevent that. The Mandarin-speaking population in Southern Ontario is far greater than the Kannada-speaking population, and if we have children, they will be able to attend a Mandarin church or Mandarin school. But as far as Kannada goes all they would have is my parents, and judging from the outcome of myself and my sister, that doesn’t give me much hope. I really wish I could learn more Kannada, but I just don’t see it as being feasible.