Eating With Hands – Uncivilized? Thursday, Oct 9 2008 

I was watching Jon and Kate Plus Eight earlier today (or should I say yesterday) and Kate said something that really annoyed me. She was talking about manners that they enforced in their household and she said something along the lines of, “we don’t eat with our hands because we’re not dogs.” This really pissed me off. It reflects a prevalent ethnocentric belief that proper table manners are only Western table manners.

I remember once when my university roommate, an international student from Japan, told me of an incident where a girl asked her why Japanese people continued to use chopsticks since the fork had been invented (implying that forks were a superior utensil to chopsticks). Comments like these are just reminders that cultures that don’t conform to mainstream Western practices are seen as uncivilized, backwards and abnormal.

Why is eating with your hands considered below human? Most Indians I’ve seen eat with their hands. In many ways it’s more sanitary than using utensils just like how squatting over a hole to relieve yourself is more hygienic than sitting on a public toilet (or even your home toilet). But of course, these practices are seen as barbaric and only part of primitive societies. And of course no civilized person living in America or Canada would dare to eat with their hands! Pizza, chicken wings and “finger foods” are still acceptable though and still allow us to maintain our human status [read: sarcasm].

It is really disheartening that comments like this go relatively unnoticed and are regarded as acceptable while those who do not conform/assimilate are subject to the harsh reality that their cultures continue to be mocked and dehumanized by white privilege. And for the record, in addition to the previous examples I stated, I refuse to accept the following bullshit: no elbows on the table, no picking up bowls off the table to eat, no slurping food (noodles taste better slurped!), no cutting your food with a fork.

Identity Through Koreanness Saturday, Aug 16 2008 

I have been listening to Japanese and Korean music for the past seven years, and counting. The music made me look into other forms of Japanese and Korean media, such as variety shoes, music shows, movies, dramas, etc. which in turn gave me greater exposure to Japanese and Korean culture, respectively. With Korean culture in particular, or should I say, overt mainstream Korean culture, I found that there were many things that I could relate to. The mentality, the hierarchy, the gender discrimination, idealized images, etc. were also rampant in my parent’s culture. Even though my parents didn’t buy into many traditional Indian values (mostly because they were Christian and somewhat progressive – they’re still quite conservative), I was still exposed to these socialzing factors via other family members and through interaction with other Indians.

In a sense, the exposure that I had to Korean culture and those who talked about their issues with it (mostly Korean Americans) helped me feel like I wasn’t alone. Not necessarily like I belonged, because I am far from finding a “community” that I really fit into or can find a nice nook to plant my butt in, but more so knowing that there are others who are struggling just like me. That’s one of the reasons that I read so many things by Korean Americans/Canadians or Koreans in American/Canada because since there isn’t an Indian community for myself, I can kind of look to them from a distance for guidance. I think it’s better to read about others’ experiences to reflect on your own life, even if it isn’t completely the same, rather than not having anything at all.

For my research, which is on second-generation Keralite Christian women in the GTA, I read a lot of literature on Korean Christians in the U.S. This was mostly because they have so much more literature than any other recent racialized Christian community, but also because the more I read about them, the more I understood my own community. The immigrant experience, the conflict of living between two worlds, being brought up by immigrant parents, feeling isolated by White Christian communities, constantly racialized, etc. These issues were actually being addressed in this literature. I didn’t feel like I was the only one who noticed. And it feels good to know you’re not alone; that you’re not imagining things, or your not looking too much into your observations. It’s good to have that verification. And so, having some sort of connection with the Korean community in Canada/U.S. (even if it is just online or thorugh literature) really helped me deal with a lot of identity issues that I had. I’m still dealing with it, but I just wanted to share how it is possible to learn more about yourself and your experiences from a different culture than your own.

This book in particular helped me a lot. Actually, most of the literature written by Rebecca Y. Kim has. “God’s New Whiz Kids? Korean American Evangelicals on Campus” by Rebecally Y. Kim (2006).

P.S. I can read Hangul and I can’t even read Kannada.

Engagement Approval Tuesday, May 27 2008 

As I mentioned previously, I’m going to India with my family next week. I’m looking forward to it despite the reservations I have. I’m not sure how my family members will react to my engagement, especially since my fiance is of Taiwanese descent. My immediate family already knows I’m engaged and some have seen pictures on FB of the two of us. I’m pretty sure word has spread that he’s not Indian…or White. It’s usually assumed that if Indians marry out that it will be to a White person. But anyway, I have no idea what to expect their reactions to be. First, I don’t really understand the humour of my family’s culture. I just never grew up with it and I don’t know the context of it. I’m hoping that I will be less judgmental and more forgiving towards things that I would otherwise take offensively. The last thing I want is another one of my debates with my “liberal” ideas.

Second, I’m not sure if I’m supposed to care of their approval or disapproval. As far as I’m concerned it’s none of their business, but should I be thankful if they do give their approval? I’m not sure. Neither myself or my fiance asked for our parents approval or blessing towards our engagement. Was that wrong of us? I’d like to think it was our decision but should we care for our parents and families’ blessings?

It’s tough growing up with a different culture than your parents. For the both of us we are discovering our parents and their cultures through their reactions towards our decisions. Sometimes it is really frustrating because of the lack of communication. It’s not necessarily one side’s fault because culture and values are usually taken for granted and regarded as common sense. But it definitely causes aggravation and hurt feelings – something I would rather avoid. I’m not one to go out of my way to hurt people, although for the most part I can’t help it.

I wonder if Canadians with non-immigrant parents go through the same thing. Do they also learn about their parent’s culture through their actions? Is this also a generational thing and not just an immigrant family experience? If it is then I guess I would feel more normal…although this type of normal isn’t necessarily what I would want to be my normal.

Deemphasizing Culture Sunday, May 11 2008 

I read a sentence in an article that stated,

    “As John Y. Fenton (1988, 232) postulates, Asian Indian Christians lose touch with their ethnic culture more quickly than do those of other traditions because culture is deemphasized” (Park, 2001).

I first questioned if this statement was an over-generalization of “Asian Indians” Christians, or “East Indian” Christians as they are termed in Canada. Can Asian Indian/ East Indian Christians all follow the same assimilation pattern? And if so, is it really because they place less emphasis on their culture?

This was definitely the case in my situation. My parents are firm believers that when you come to the U.S. or Canada you should try to fit in. We attend a multiethnic/multicultural church, we’ve moved away from a predominately Indian diet to a mixture of quick and easy foods that fill you up and last a while in the fridge, and we converse in English. My parents definitely have held onto some Indian things and have had to let go of many due to the assimilation that my sister and I underwent. For the most part, it was a losing battle for them. The church we attend wasn’t always multicultural – it used to be predominantly white and over time became more mixed. Another case of white flux (I think that’s what the term is). Anyway, in comparison to other Indians I have definitely noticed that my family is more accommodating of Canadian (read: white culture) practices than some other groups. But I wonder – is this because we’re Christian in a post-Christian society?

When I look at my cousins’ families, I can see how they have held onto certain Indian-Christian elements while also accommodating to Western-Christian and Canadian/American elements as well. But it’s interesting to see the mentality that these parents have in comparison to my non-Christian Indian friends’ parents. I guess the interpretation of religious doctrine and the historical ancestral context would influence the way one assimilates into North America. But I still wonder, why don’t we value our culture more?

REFERENCES
Park, Soyoung. “The Intersection of Religion, Race, Ethnicity, and Gender in the Identity Formation of Korean American Evangelical Women.” Korean Americans and Their Religions. Ed. Ho-Youn Kwon et. al. Pennsylvania State University Press, 2001. 201.