It’s been a while since I posted. I’ve been keeping myself busy with things. I am currently unemployed and it is surprising how busy I am because of it. In addition to wedding planning and job hunting I have found myself to be the gopher of the family. I am asked to conduct tasks that other family members can’t because they don’t have the ‘free time’ that I do. At least I’m not bored out of my mind.

Something that has been bothering me lately is POC that conform to right-wing justifications on the war on terror. I’ve noticed this with some of my to-be family members. As I’ve mentioned before, my fiance is of Taiwanese descent while I am of South-Indian descent. Just like some of my family members, some of his family members are very conservative, right-wing individuals. We used to be too until we received a broader perspective of the world through our experiences in the past couple of years. So these family members constantly justify the ‘war on terror’ and the fight against ‘terrorism’. One of the things that bothers me about this is their lack of recognition that ‘terrorists’ is often times used as a synonym for dark-skinned Asian peoples (or those that look like them). I know what it is like to be looked at with suspicion because of the colour of my skin. I’ve watched as my family was constantly stopped for a ‘random check’ when we tried to cross the American border while White families easily passed through without so much as a blink. I saw how my father struggled to find a full-time job (he is highly educated and experienced in his field) and how he didn’t get hired until he shaved off his beard. I’ve seen how people would only make eye contact with my White friends while avoiding looking at me while they spoke to all of us. The fact that our family is Christian, that we support charities, that we pay our taxes, that we are proud Canadian citizens, that we work hard does not matter. To those who scrutinize us and question us on our terrorist capabilities all that matters is that we look like those terrorists. Those who killed ‘innocent’ Americans. All they see is our skin colour and our ‘foreignness’.

I know that just because an individual is considered a coloured person that it doesn’t mean they know what it is like to be a person of a different colour. For instance, I do not know what it is really like to be a person of African descent or of East Asian descent. I can somewhat understand intellectually, but I cannot truly understand their experiences as POC. My fiance and his family do not understand the experiences that I have had because they are not the same type of POC that we are. They do not know what it is like to be assumed to be Muslim, or a terrorist, or someone who threatens White mainstream Canadian culture. Yes, they have their own experiences of discrimination, but that doesn’t mean they do not add to the discrimination against people that look like me.

I do not know how to address this issue with them. In many ways it could really rock the boat on our relationship (between myself and these family members). So far they have treated me really well and accepted me into their family. I’m hesitant to jeopardize that but at the same time it bothers me that they don’t recognize how their lack of understanding on the nuances of American military politics really affects me and those like me.

Note: Just to clarify, I do not believe anyone should be judged on their appearance. I do not believe that the scrutiny that Muslims receive is justified because some Muslims carry out violent acts against non-Muslims. There are “Christians” who would want to kill me and my family because we are not White Christians, but not every White Christian is made out to be a terrorist. It is not fair to judge an entire group based on a select few individuals who carry out extreme actions.

I’m sure most people have heard or read about the the Spanish basketball team slanting their eyes for an advertisement. When the story first broke out I was disgusted. I could not believe that every single individual in that room did not stop and say, “this is not right” – or at least ONE person. And what bothered me the most was that they didn’t even think it was offensive when there was an international outcry on their racist actions. Even if their intentions weren’t to offend people (which I seriously doubt), it does not automatically make your actions 1) not offensive, 2) inappropriate, and 3) racist. Slanting one’s eyes is not simply to “look” East Asian – it is a derogatory action to remind East Asians that they are beneath those who label them with their fingers to their face. It establishes a system of power between those who are mocking one group of people against a group of people who are mocked for their physical appearance. It is a human rights violation. Nobody should have to be ashamed of the way they look or their ancestry. Nobody.

This gets even worse though. After people showed their outrage and the Spanish team denied having done anything wrong, an additional slant-eye picture was taken with the Spanish tennis team. WTF?! This was basically them supporting the actions of the Spanish basketball team and stating, “hey, what we are doing is okay even though millions of people are hurt and offended by this action.” How insensitive, disrespectful and spiteful can people be? At least these incidents sheds some international light to the racism that is inherent in Spain – against people of East Asian descent, African descent, Muslims, Jews – heck, anyone who is not ethnically Spanish and religiously Catholic.

And what is really sad about all of this is the White privilege that is taking place and nobody is really addressing it. This situation is about power, dominance, and establishing superiority and inferiority by Othering. In a sense, it is quite in tune with the Olympic spirit; defeat your opponent and bring honour to your fellow people. This is just that this is not the PC way to do it, but it is the way to utilize their White privilege. Other groups would not have the same power to do this. Hence, it is not an equal playing field.

One thing I did want to say though is that through the unraveling of racism present against East Asians, I have become increasingly fearful. If my fiance, who is of Taiwanese descent, and I were to have children, what would my children experience? What if someone came up to them and slanted their eyes to mock their ancestry? How would I deal with this? I have experienced racism myself, but do I really know what it’s like to look East Asian as opposed to South Asian and be mocked on my appearance? Do I really know what it’s like to be called chink instead of paki? How would I teach my children about something that I have never experienced? And I know that my fiance would be doing this along side of me, but it still scares me to know that I don’t know. I don’t know what that’s like. I don’t know what it’s like to be a person who was teased with slant eyes look at the pictures of these Spanish teams. I know what anger for injustice feels like and the pain from racist remarks, but I don’t REALLY know how painful these images are. And in addition to this particular racist action, I don’t know what other experiences of racism people of East Asian descent have gone through. I only know my own experiences as an Indo-Canadian. I don’t think these experiences are the same. The pain might be the same, but does that commonality equip me to being a better person, and potentially, a better parent? I really don’t know why this is creating such fear in me. But it is pretty scary – to know that there are people in this world who want to hurt people that you care deeply for.

Something that is really interesting is how people stare at other people even when they personally believe that staring is rude. Why does this occur? Why are people so fascinated with other people? I like to think of myself as a person that isn’t really concerned too much with strangers and their lives. If I see an unusual couple pairing or an individual wearing interesting clothing, I’d probably just smile to myself and think, “that’s cool”. Of course, not everyone likes change, difference or “abnormality”. I would be a liar if I said I was completely open to these things too.

Even though my fiance and I have been together for almost five years, it still bothers me how we are stared at constantly. Yes I understand that it’s not as common here to see our type of inter-ethnic couple, but I find that most stares are more than just curiosity. Many stares are filled with hatred, mostly from our own “racial” groups – which I really don’t understand. How is our relationship threatening to anyone else?

I find that I am the target of these hateful looks more than my fiance. I attribute this to the believe that women are the gatekeepers of morality. When we see a woman that is too sexual, too independent, too free spirited, and who goes against her expected role, she is seen as being a failure to her role as a moral gatekeeper. She is seen as the slut, the whore, the traitor. Why is this message still reproduced in our society? It is complete bullshit. Why is it the woman’s purity that is supposed to be protected? Why isn’t she allowed to have autonomy over her body and her selection of partners? And why is she given more flack for marrying outside her caste, social class, ‘race”, ethnicity, etc.? Our society still has so much to overcome in terms of gender inequality. Even after teaching three first-year classes of sociology students (they tend to be very naive about the world), it still amazes me how many people think that we have achieved gender equality. Oh ignorance…it is NOT bliss.