Terrorism & Family Wednesday, Nov 12 2008

It’s been a while since I posted. I’ve been keeping myself busy with things. I am currently unemployed and it is surprising how busy I am because of it. In addition to wedding planning and job hunting I have found myself to be the gopher of the family. I am asked to conduct tasks that other family members can’t because they don’t have the ‘free time’ that I do. At least I’m not bored out of my mind.

Something that has been bothering me lately is POC that conform to right-wing justifications on the war on terror. I’ve noticed this with some of my to-be family members. As I’ve mentioned before, my fiance is of Taiwanese descent while I am of South-Indian descent. Just like some of my family members, some of his family members are very conservative, right-wing individuals. We used to be too until we received a broader perspective of the world through our experiences in the past couple of years. So these family members constantly justify the ‘war on terror’ and the fight against ‘terrorism’. One of the things that bothers me about this is their lack of recognition that ‘terrorists’ is often times used as a synonym for dark-skinned Asian peoples (or those that look like them). I know what it is like to be looked at with suspicion because of the colour of my skin. I’ve watched as my family was constantly stopped for a ‘random check’ when we tried to cross the American border while White families easily passed through without so much as a blink. I saw how my father struggled to find a full-time job (he is highly educated and experienced in his field) and how he didn’t get hired until he shaved off his beard. I’ve seen how people would only make eye contact with my White friends while avoiding looking at me while they spoke to all of us. The fact that our family is Christian, that we support charities, that we pay our taxes, that we are proud Canadian citizens, that we work hard does not matter. To those who scrutinize us and question us on our terrorist capabilities all that matters is that we look like those terrorists. Those who killed ‘innocent’ Americans. All they see is our skin colour and our ‘foreignness’.

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Quarreling With Parents Monday, Sep 1 2008

I had a pretty intense argument with my parents a couple of nights ago. It all started with my dad telling us about an incident of discrimination that he faced in the airport by an immigration officer – not surprising since brown men are still seen as questionable terrorists but still very inappropriate and uncalled for. Anyway, I paralleled that story to our outing earlier that day at our bank. We were all going for our separate banking affairs but we arrived together. I went first – told the clerk (I don’t know what his job title is) that I needed to open up a savings account and he put my name on a list and told me to sit in the waiting area until a representative could meet with me. That was fine, but after I went to sit down he took my parents’ names and then asked if we were all together. They said yes and he said that he will get one representative for all of us. Then when we were waiting he came by twice to let us know that we would be helped shortly. The problem was that he only looked and talking to my father the entire time and disregarded my mother’s, my sister’s and my presence.

I brought up this story to illustrate a parallel of discrimination. My father was presumed to be a problem because of his skin colour and the perception of him as an immigrant, unwanted, and Other person. I was discriminated because of my perceived age (I look much younger than I really am) and my gender. Because my father was there he was of course regarded by this man (the service clerk) to be in charge and the only person worthy of being attended to. It did not matter than I had approached the clerk individually, placed my name on a waiting list, and was told to wait for my turn. No, my father was asked if I was part of his party. What right did the clerk have to do that? I am a separate customer and deserve to be attended to as an individual regardless of my perceived age, my gender, or my relation to any other person.

My parents did not see my point of view on this situation. They in fact were furious with my analysis and my “ego” that accompanied it. According to them, this man was doing his job and was respectful because he respected the role of the father. They did not see this situation as discriminatory towards me as a young person and a woman. They saw it as justified and acceptable because their status of privilege was acknowledged – both my parents for their age and my father for his gender. They took my opinion on the situation very personally and used it as another opportunity to bash me about how I do not respect my parents, unlike this man who showed respect for my father’s position. They then went on about how they should have never come to Canada because we (my sister and I) were out of hand and did not respect the sacrifices they made in coming here.

This is when I lost it. I hate emotional blackmail, and it was really hurtful that it came from my parents because I’ve seen how they have been the victims of emotional blackmail from other family members. How could they use that same tactic on me when they know what it feels like to be manipulated like that? I told them I wouldn’t fall for their emotional blackmail; that I do respect them and that many of my life decisions reflect my upbringing. It’s hard going against the norm but my sister have done it many times, but we have also adapted to our surroundings. We are not going to be like the way my parents were at my age. This is not India during the 60s/70s. Even people my age in India aren’t like how their parents were, and in many ways they are more Westernized than I am.

My parents have avoided talking to me for the past two days. Sadly this argument happened on my sister’s birthday and we had to have the cake-cutting the next day while my parents were semi sulky. They can be very immature and I’m not sure how to deal with them. I am not apologetic of who I am, the views I have or the experiences I have had that have led me to be this way. I will not feel guilty about myself because others do not agree with my views, my lifestyle choices, or anything else about me. And as much as it hurts me that my parents are not proud of who I am, I refuse to revert back to my self-hate days. Rather I want to continue to embrace myself and hope that someday they will be able to understand who I am and be proud of me.

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Racism From Spanish Olympic Teams Monday, Aug 18 2008

I’m sure most people have heard or read about the the Spanish basketball team slanting their eyes for an advertisement. When the story first broke out I was disgusted. I could not believe that every single individual in that room did not stop and say, “this is not right” – or at least ONE person. And what bothered me the most was that they didn’t even think it was offensive when there was an international outcry on their racist actions. Even if their intentions weren’t to offend people (which I seriously doubt), it does not automatically make your actions 1) not offensive, 2) inappropriate, and 3) racist. Slanting one’s eyes is not simply to “look” East Asian – it is a derogatory action to remind East Asians that they are beneath those who label them with their fingers to their face. It establishes a system of power between those who are mocking one group of people against a group of people who are mocked for their physical appearance. It is a human rights violation. Nobody should have to be ashamed of the way they look or their ancestry. Nobody.

This gets even worse though. After people showed their outrage and the Spanish team denied having done anything wrong, an additional slant-eye picture was taken with the Spanish tennis team. WTF?! This was basically them supporting the actions of the Spanish basketball team and stating, “hey, what we are doing is okay even though millions of people are hurt and offended by this action.” How insensitive, disrespectful and spiteful can people be? At least these incidents sheds some international light to the racism that is inherent in Spain – against people of East Asian descent, African descent, Muslims, Jews – heck, anyone who is not ethnically Spanish and religiously Catholic.

And what is really sad about all of this is the White privilege that is taking place and nobody is really addressing it. This situation is about power, dominance, and establishing superiority and inferiority by Othering. In a sense, it is quite in tune with the Olympic spirit; defeat your opponent and bring honour to your fellow people. This is just that this is not the PC way to do it, but it is the way to utilize their White privilege. Other groups would not have the same power to do this. Hence, it is not an equal playing field.

One thing I did want to say though is that through the unraveling of racism present against East Asians, I have become increasingly fearful. If my fiance, who is of Taiwanese descent, and I were to have children, what would my children experience? What if someone came up to them and slanted their eyes to mock their ancestry? How would I deal with this? I have experienced racism myself, but do I really know what it’s like to look East Asian as opposed to South Asian and be mocked on my appearance? Do I really know what it’s like to be called chink instead of paki? How would I teach my children about something that I have never experienced? And I know that my fiance would be doing this along side of me, but it still scares me to know that I don’t know. I don’t know what that’s like. I don’t know what it’s like to be a person who was teased with slant eyes look at the pictures of these Spanish teams. I know what anger for injustice feels like and the pain from racist remarks, but I don’t REALLY know how painful these images are. And in addition to this particular racist action, I don’t know what other experiences of racism people of East Asian descent have gone through. I only know my own experiences as an Indo-Canadian. I don’t think these experiences are the same. The pain might be the same, but does that commonality equip me to being a better person, and potentially, a better parent? I really don’t know why this is creating such fear in me. But it is pretty scary – to know that there are people in this world who want to hurt people that you care deeply for.

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